I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
