planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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