he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
