so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
