Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
