and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
