if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
