Screwed.edu
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
