Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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