As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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