Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
