My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
