I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
