Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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