he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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