party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
