finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize