That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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