i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
