dude i'm inner monologue high
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
