maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
