I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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