I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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