I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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