I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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