I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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