I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
