based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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