Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
