I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
