yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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