who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
