hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
