I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
