My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
