i jhust puked up my retainher.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
