My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
