Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
