Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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