I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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