Can i not drive my cunt home
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
