somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Your dad touched me again.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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