walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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