When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
