Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
