You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
