ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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