there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
