Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
