What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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