Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
