I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
